Mental Health and Alcohol - Kirsty’s story.

Kirsty - aged 14.

My mental health had been poor since I was in my mid-teens. But at that time I didn't realise I had poor mental health, I thought I was just inherently bad. I was told that by my teachers, my parents and other key adults in my life. Around the time I started my periods I was reporting that I felt “mental”. Having since accessed my medical records it was around this time I started to complain of physical symptoms, a sore tummy, lightheadedness and it was reported I had ticks, I’d click my fingers, I still do but I have learnt how to hide it and do it by squeezing my fingers against my hands until my fingers crack. I still have to move my shoulders sometimes, if I don’t I feel too distracted. I was told all this was attention seeking and deliberately distracting my classmates. I had my first alcoholic drink around this time too. That resulted in being hospitalised and having my stomach pumped. All before the age of 15. 

In my late teens until I had my kid at 26 I was heavily into the rave scene, this was the late 90’s into the early 2000’s. I lived abroad and I took a huge amount of recreational drugs. I used to say if I took speed I got more done the next day. I think for many reading this now it is probably quite clear what I possibly had, have, am. But at the age of 47 I am still awaiting a diagnosis. I have medical and educational professionals in my private life and it’s clear to many that I have ADHD. I was first told this in around 2002 by someone who worked with “badly behaved children” But I was never given this diagnosis by my GP. I am working with an amazing GP now who, on reading my medical reports, told me that it makes sense to get an assessment done. I can’t afford the private assessment so I am on the NHS waiting list. Part of me is unsure if an official diagnosis will help but like many women my age it would feel lovely to make sense of my past. 

Since the early 2000’s I have been misdiagnosed as manic depressive, I spent time in Edinburgh's mental hospital early in my 20’s. Bi-polar disorder, I was on antipsychotics, quetiapine, for a large part of my 20’s and 30’s along with various antidepressants and mood stabilisers such as lamotrigine. Along with many contraceptives not to stop me getting pregnant but to manage my mental health. Throughout all this I drank excessively and after the sudden loss of my mum in 2010 my drinking and drug taking spiralled. I was drinking every day and using cocaine regularly. Unsurprisingly my mental health got worse and worse. 

In December 2017, when my suicidal ideations were constant and when I thought everyone would be better off without me, I finally managed to stop drinking. I ain't gonna go too much into how I did that as it's documented all over our social media and on numerous podcasts, but I am gonna tell you how I now have the best mental health I have had in my whole life! It's certainly no coincidence that I no longer sink three bottles of wine a night.

In 2018/19 and with the help of my GP I finally came off all my medication! I have now lived 5 years without it, cause I don’t need it. I am sure I don’t have to say that I am not telling you that you don’t need yours! That’s a conversation you should have with your own GP. But I was finally able to be honest with them and tell them how much I drank and that now I didn’t drink, I wanted to explore coming off my medication. 

Alcohol is a major depressant. It slows brain function by affecting the neurotransmitter GABA. Alcohol can worsen symptoms of depression, and in some cases cause them! When I drank I felt totally helpless, I couldn’t see any way to change. I believed I was useless, I only saw myself as a problem drinker. I couldn’t see all the other, good, things I was. I had zero motivation to do anything, so when a well meaning health professional or friend told me to try exercise it felt as manageable as speaking in Cantonese, it wasn’t gonna happen! My self talk was outrageous, I used to stand in the shower and say out loud, I am fucking useless, I am the worst mum/friend/partner. I was affirming this to myself daily! These days if I find myself talking shit about myself I check myself and take time to explore why I think it's a good thing to speak to myself in this way, it never is! I can stop and make changes almost immediately. In the sober world we talk about sober toolkits, mine is the same as my mental health toolkit - 

Journaling, especially gratitude 

Good night's sleep

Eating a balanced diet

Moving my body through exercise and dance - a good kitchen rave can really help me shake the blues away!

Being honest with my loved ones about how I feel

Cancelling plans if I am feeling overwhelmed or tired (boundaries work, so important!)

Never drinking, it's mad that I wrote this so far down the list. I know I will never drink again! My life is too good without it!

Getting outside, especially on the days I don’t want to!

Alone time is as important as time spent with friends, this is mega. I used to think I hated being alone. Now I love it.

Reading 

Listening to music 

A lot of these things above are on my list of joy. I will be doing a post on our social media this week about why I have a list of joy. When you are someone who spent years seeking out all the reasons life is shit it's super helpful to have a list when you feel yourself going down that path again!

I’ll be honest, if I read this post when I was in the throes of my problematic drinking I probably would have rolled my eyes and called myself a wanker. I do get it. It seems like a lot. Stopping drinking and doing all the things listed above. But I didn't do all that the day I stopped drinking. I worked so hard on avoiding that first drink and slowly but surely I was able to answer a very simple question I asked myself each day, how can I care for myself today. That’s a question I still ask myself on occasion. Cause stopping drinking and taking drugs doesn’t mean life is constantly rosy. I can still at times feel anxious, hello perimenopause, I can still wake up and feel a little low in mood. But I can see past both those things. I know now that all things must pass and that impermanence is the only permanent thing! I am over the moon to be alive, I am so grateful that I finally stopped drinking, I look up regularly and see the most beautiful skies, I swim in the sea, I stop to listen to the birds singing when I am out running, I look into the eyes of my daughter and realise I am living a life way beyond my wildest dreams. 

It has taken me years to get here, I wonder what the possible ADHD diagnosis would mean to me but I do know hand on heart that it won’t derail me. My mental health has never been better, I love being alive and I know I have so much more to do, give and experience and none of this would have been possible if I hadn’t stopped drinking! 

If you are affected by anything I have shared in my blog please do check out the signpost list below - if you are looking for connection and fun times with other sober and sober curious people why not come to one of our meet-ups or online sessions. You can find out more on our insta and facebook pages. You would be most welcome!

Big love - Kirsty

Samaritans | Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy | Here to listen - 116 123

Home - Mind - 0300 123 3393

National charity helping people with Anxiety - Anxiety UK - 03444 775 774

Drug & Alcohol Rehab Scotland | Abbeycare Rehab Clinics (abbeycarefoundation.com) - 01603 513 091

Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol & Drugs (sfad.org.uk) - 08080 10 10 11

Citizens Advice Scotland

Mental health - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

Alcohol support | NHS inform

Alcohol and Drugs | Turning Point Scotland 

Mental Health Foundation | Good mental health for all 

CALM  - 0800 58 58 58

Rethink - 0300 5000 927

Kirsty is on the news!

Last week Kirsty was interviewed for STV news and ended up on Good Morning Britain too! Although she was a little nervous she really enjoyed the experience and was delighted with the article that Laura published too. You can read that here ! Kirsty is passionate about her work and the message that SoberBuzz delivers. There is no shame in making positive changes in your life! If you would like to find out more about what SoberBuzz has to offer or to work 1-2-1 with Kirsty please do get in touch!

Why yoga is a great addition to your alcohol free life!

“The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in.” - Geeta Lyengar

When someone mentions yoga the traditional association for a lot of people is getting into difficult, or often poses, that require flexibility and strength. It can be intimidating. It can be a competition. It can be who can do a headstand. Who can do the splits? (I can’t) This isn’t yoga.

At its core yoga is a union between body and soul. It is a way to connect the mind and soul to the body. It stills the mind. It can be a hard workout or pure relaxation. It is like absolutely everything else in the world – it is what you make of it. If you practice yoga regularly it can be pure magic.

If you are sober curious or already living an alcohol-free life then you are, without knowing it, already on the path of a yogi. When I stopped drinking 4 years ago the decision had nothing to do with yoga, despite having a regular practice.

One summer afternoon, reading Patanjali’s yoga sutras in preparation for starting my teacher training course I was filled with delight and surprise. I am sure you will be too: One of the commandments is not to drink intoxicants. Great, I thought. At the time I was 3 years sober. I already knew how to do that! This was one part of the yogi path that I was already familiar with. This is where you are too! Welcome ! You are one step ahead of the yogis out in the world who participate in yoga and wine, or flows with bubbles.

If you are just starting out on your alcohol free journey then yoga is something that can help, whether you are struggling or not. When those cravings hit, getting on your mat into your body and out of your head can help take those cravings away. Consistent practice builds resilience. When you start a new hobby or skill you build new pathways in your brain. The more you do something the easier it becomes. This is exactly the same when you take alcohol out of your life. Instead of reaching for that glass of wine, vodka or beer reach for your mat. Explore your feelings. Work your way through them and see the cravings fall away. They will become infrequent. You will be free.

Yoga is an opportunity to take time for you, in this mad crazy world. Where we are constantly inundated with news stories, memes, books to read, or the latest tech we cannot live without. Yoga allows you to block it out and look inward. It gives you time to be still. Be present, and eventually to be free.

I am so excited to bring yoga to Soberbuzz in 2024 and help you explore how it can help you in your journey. If you want to know more, please do reach out bronagh@soberbuzzscotland.com or @B__bythesea on Instagram.

Dry January!

Dry January, The Perfect Time to Experience The Buzz of Sober Living! 

In this blog I am gonna give you some hints, tips and resources to help you live your best Dry January Life! 

Where’s your head at? Are you seeing this as a punishment or like you are losing something? Too often it's easy to romanticise alcohol but before you read this take a moment and ask what positives has it really brought to your life………Now think why you want to take a break or stop? To be healthier? To sleep better? To save money? To stop making a complete tit of yourself? To stop blacking out? All very valid reasons for not wanting to do something that brings little joy to your life. So why not see going alcohol free a joyous treat! One you can relive day after day after day.

Here are just some of the many amazing benefits of being a Dry January legend -

Peace of mind

Reduced anxiety

More time

More energy

A sense of achievement

Not drunk texting *that* person you said you’d never text again…! 

Taking back control of your life

More money for lush things like tattoos, new sneaks and vinyl

Reduced blood pressure

Weight loss

Being present for your loved ones

A re-found or newfound feeling of self worth

The most unadulterated feeling of utter smugness when you wake hangover free at the weekend (yet to find another feeling like it……!)

Watching netflix and knowing what actually happened

Saving money….more on that below!

Make a list of all the reasons why you are doing Dry January then make a list of all the benefits you are looking forward to receiving over the month. 

Time to get brave, go over your past 3 months bank statements and work out all the money you have spent on alcohol or alcohol related spends, take outs, ubers that kinda thing. Divide by three and that's your average monthly spend. Now, what would you rather spend that money on at the end of Dry January? 

What you up to this weekend? Don’t worry I aint asking you out! But what lush plans do you have for the weekend mornings? If you usually spend them like a little hungover gremlin, why don’t you make plans for all the things you wish you had done instead? For some it might be hill walking* or open water swimming but for others it might be a guilt free lie in then breakfast in bed. What are your best hangover free weekend morning plans? 

Maybe you still want to celebrate the weekend with a grown up drink? Have you explored the many alcohol free options available? Pages like Bronagh’s or Kris’s or James’s all share alcohol free options, go back through their posts and try something a little different this weekend. 

Expore the sobersphere. There are so many incredible accounts out there, look up the hashtags #sobercurious #sobercommunity #soberscotland and of course #soberbuzz 

And finally, for this blog, try a daily gratitude practice. I cannot say this enough, GRATITUDE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. For the duration of Dry January write at least 5 things you are grateful for. Make them specific to the day before. Make at least one you are grateful to you for and at least one why you are grateful you didn’t drink. Do this every day for the duration of dry January, or maybe for life! An attitude of gratitude is life changing!

I’ll be back next week with another wee Dry January blog but if in the meantime you’d like more help why not order my 30 days “aff it” workbook with 30 days worth of work based around self-love, self-enquiry and looking at the reasons why we drink and also why we want to make positive changes.  There’s goal setting, self-care, practical advice and tools that will equip you for life! And not just for going alcohol-free in January and beyond….! Find it here, along with some wee podcasts you might enjoy too, and it will be emailed directly to your inbox!

*hill walking is not compulsory, I may be the only sober person in Scotland who hasn’t bagged a Munro !

One day or day 1?

The morning after the day before. How was it for you? If you drank you may be feeling all kinds of emotions. Maybe you drank after a short period aff it or maybe you broke a long spell of sobriety or maybe you drank more than you had planned to and now you are regretting that. If so, you’re in the right place. 

Don’t drink again, I know some of you might be thinking it’ll take the edge off but all you are doing is prolonging the hangover and all the other grim things that come with that. I’d suggest getting rid of any alcohol left in the house and start hydrating yourself. Drink a glass of water each hour and try to eat something. 

Day 1 or 1 day. Many people come to me and talk about hoping to moderate even though they have tried to for years and it's never worked - why do you think it's going to now? I highly recommend having a good few weeks off to figure out what it is you want from alcohol but more importantly - what do you want from life? Cause I am guessing it ain't the fear, acid reflux, the family not speaking to you and a big memory blackout that you are sweating buckets trying to fill in the blanks….

For some of you there may be people that you need to apologise to, and I will pop my mum hat on here to say the best apology is changed behaviour. Today, start by looking after yourself. Ask, what can I do to care for me today? That will look different for different people. But I’d say get the house tidied, get showered and fresh pjs on and rest well. Further on in this article I will give some things for you to journal on or think over. If you need to make apologies why not do the work in this blog then write some texts up in the notes on your phone and return to them tomorrow when you’ve had a good night's sleep and see if they need any adjustments and send them. If you need to apologise to someone you live with go ahead and do it then show them you mean business by sorting your shit out. Often the biggest shifts happen when we finally get fed up with our own shit, this is a beautiful day to sort your shit out. 

Over the past few weeks I have had numerous people message me to tell me that they are really upset or ashamed at how they behaved when they drank. Worried about going back to work or seeing friends or family members again. Life doesn’t need to be this way, by taking drink off the table, literally and figuratively, you no longer have to worry about drunken behaviour. But to so many that feels like a terrifying thought. If that’s you I ask you to get clear on why alcohol is so important to you that you are willing to feel this way again and again. The drink is a sneaky wee fecker. Sometimes you drink and are totally fine, other times you drink the same amount and it all goes sideways. It’s alcohol russian roulette. Journal prompts - What value does alcohol bring to your life? How does alcohol negatively impact your life? Are you thinking that never drinking again seems really daunting? If so, just focus on today, then the next day. Maybe until the end of January then ask yourself those journal prompts again. 

Here is some more work that will really help. Each day you don’t drink, take a few moments to write down your reasons why you are taking a break, they may start something like - I am sick of hangovers, I spend too much money, I want to prove I can do this. They can also be positive reasons like, I feel less tired, I am saving money, I am proud of myself. Each day write at least 5 things you are grateful for. Make them specific to the day before. Make at least one you are grateful to you for eg - I am grateful I had an early night as I feel rested or I am grateful I ate well yesterday and at least one for why you are grateful you didn’t drink. 

Who are you when you don’t drink, what are your interests? What do you value? Make this a lil project, this isn’t about not drinking but about you living a life you love and are proud of. I do this work with my clients, aye most of them come to me as they are finally fed up with the bevy but we focus on way more than that. So, get clear on all the things that bring you joy and that you are proud of. Then make plans to do more of it. If you are sitting there thinking, I have no idea what I like doing. Look way back to before you drank, when you were younger, what did you enjoy then. For me it was reading, writing, being at the seaside, making playlists, helping others, baking and riding my bike. All things I love doing now. 

Immerse yourself or revisit quit lit and sober podcasts. I have a few podcasts I have been on in the link in our SoberBuzz instagram bio. My favourite books are Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, Quit Like a Woman and (not sobriety related) You are a Badass which I read when I first stopped and have re-read it many times since. Follow the # #soberbuzz #sobercurious #soberscotland connect with the sober community online, get chatting and make new friends. 

The next week is going to look very different for ya, you might even hear folk tell you that you weren’t that bad or that you should just drink less (all totally unhelpful!) you need to be prepared to stick to your plans. Remember your why’s, make plans to do things that bring you joy and pride. Make your New Year celebrations about the 1st of January (I swear waking fresh on January 1st is one of my favourite things EVER!!) rather than a boozy Hogmanay. Decide who knows what, I often find that in early sobriety a private life is a happy life. The less people you have to explain yourself to the better. Also, if nothing changes nothing changes so don’t expect to go to a party on Hogmanay and somehow manage it sober. Remember why you first started reading this, you don’t want to experience another hangover and all the hell it brings. Is it really too much of a loss to miss out on a boozy night? My clients tell me that when they think about not drinking they can think of particular people who will have something unhelpful to say, you might want to take some time to think about what you will tell them, if you will be seeing them over the coming week and just remember, in under a week its 2024 - how do you want to go into the New Year? January is the perfect time not to drink, dry January is huge now and social media will be full of great advice and motivation too.  

I hope this has been helpful and remember, shaming ourselves rarely allows for positive change. You know you want things to be different and you know how to make a start on that. Choose self compassion instead, what have you got to lose! Big love, Kirsty x

A Very Merry Sober Christmas

Sober Christmas, Is it easy? Not always. Will it be worth it? Abso-feckin-lutely! Below are some key points from a free workshop I recently held. There is a fair bit of work but that’s good! Focusing on you for the last two weeks of the year is such a boss move. And, you get out what you put in. So, do the work - see the results my lil Christmas Elves!

What are your reasons for wanting to do it alcohol free? These are your why’s, keep adding to them as you think of them. Return to the list throughout the festive season to keep you accountable and to remind yourself why you are having Christmas on your terms.

What are your intentions for the days after any events? Remember that we often only focus on the day of the event and not how we want the following days to be. Look at your diary and make sure you have plans sorted for the days after big events. And, yes, lying on yer couch and watching tv, ignoring yer phone is a perfectly good plan!

REMEMBER - Christmas isn’t about drinking!

Finish these sentences -

What is Christmas about, to you?

I want a Christmas that is ?

What I love about Christmas?

What do you dislike about Christmas?

Those questions are gonna be key to you having the day/s you want. Answer them in great detail.

Christmas is only one day, keep it in perspective. Plan it hour by hour. Visualise, plan ahead and be prepared.

Check in with yourself with sober activities - books, podcasts, journaling, chatting with sober people online or in real life.

Make a list of things that bring you joy and light you up. Plan activities that are planned around this. You’ll make nice memories too. Examples of my list of joy are - reading in bed with a morning coffee, doing my skin care at night, journaling, meditation, playing with my cats, doing my tarot, keeping my bedroom like a little sanctuary, chatting to my sober pals on insta or in real life.

What are your intentions each day? Feelings and things you need to do. Space these out so you have a day that is manageable but that will keep you on track.

What are your potential threats or triggers. Get honest. Once you know them you can put boundaries in place. Plan for tough moments. Who raises negative emotions, tension or stress, heightened anxiety. Commit to not getting involved, walking away will serve you so well. Christmas can heighten emotions, spending time with family and in others houses or with those who are drunk can be challenging but if you are prepared for these things happening it will make them easier to deal with.

Other people's expectations, who knows what and why? Quite often when I ask my clients what worries them about not drinking they will say a particular person or people come to mind who might challenge them on their empowered decision not to drink. Decide what and when you will tell them. Some people say that they will deal with the person when they see them and it's not the greatest plan cause we can buckle with peer pressure or not wanting to make a scene.

I suggest writing down your reasons why then making them into a positive statement - Hey just to let you know I have decided not to drink at our night out because I have stuff on the following day/I am enjoying not drinking/I feel the best I have felt in ages etc etc and I am not expecting you not to drink but I won’t be whether you support that or not.

I realise that may feel difficult to do but when we first put boundaries in place they can feel icky but please remember that most boundaries are to keep people IN our lives, not out. Or, just a wee reminder I am not drinking at the minute but I will be bringing my own drinks so don’t stress about that. PLEASE DO TAKE YOUR OWN DRINKS!! I have arrived places and been offered a warm diet coke….I really don’t like fizzy juice and to be told it was warm as there was no room in the fridge due to it being full of booze made me feel like shit!

Plan what you will be drinking. Keep your glass full, maybe mark your glass by popping a hairband round the stem so you don’t worry about picking someone else's up. If you can afford to, take more or have more in than you need.

Use gratitude - maybe even take a photo of what you're grateful for and use it as your screensaver. It could be family, friends, health goals, gifts you have given, the gifts sobriety has given you. And really feel into it. Why are you grateful for these things? Write down these things too and really get into the details of why you are grateful for them, many of my clients keep this on their phone so they can refer to it when dealing with trickier situations.

Take time out - plan what that is, walk the dog, tidy the kitchen, lie down in your room, call a supportive bestie. Anything that gives you valuable time away from people who might annoy you or be drinking heavily

Do you get joy in helping out? Can you be a designated driver, someone who entertains the kids or spends extra time with elderly or ill relatives?

Say no with pride. Or lie. Yup, I just told you to lie on the baby Jesus’ birthday. Its been 40 years since I went to Sunday school but I am pretty sure he forgives yer sins. If you are really worried about being forced to drink, say you are on antibiotics. The ones used for most dental issues carry a warning that you can’t drink on them. Metronidazole and tinidazole are two of the most common, also it's never a good idea to drink if you have a UTI…..no one is gonna ask to test yer pee or look at your infected wisdom tooth (if they do you have bigger concerns than not drinking!)

If the urge to drink strikes, see it as an opportunity for some self enquiry. It's rarely cause you want to taste it. It’s more likely to be cause you are bored, lonely, stressed, or even excited. When we learn to name and sit with that emotion it shifts our thoughts from the drink to the root cause - our emotions. When we recognise that alcohol is a temporary solution to our deeper emotional challenges it changes from a weakness to an opportunity to discover more about ourselves and also strengthen our emotional resilience. WIN! And it's a healthy distraction from the wreck the hoose juice! Explore these emotions without judgement but with curiosity. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so I was right my sisters partner really does rip my knitting even when I am not drinking *note to self don’t sit next to him at Christmas Dinner*

HALT! Are you hungry, angry, lonely or tired? Ask yourself this if the urge strikes and take the necessary steps to deal with it.

Play it forward, What would the 3hrs after look like? What would the next 24hrs look like? What would 3 days after look like? Next week? Month? Year?

Will alcohol help in this situation? Get curious about it. What would alcohol bring to this situation?

Reflect on where you are now, it's a great time for reflection, since you started exploring sobriety. Even if you have had 10 day 1’s. They are all lessons. What has gone well? What needs a bit more exploration or support?

What traditions do you usually have that involve alcohol? Substitute them for AF drinks or make new ones.

Embrace the JOMO (joy of missing out) FOMO (fear of missing out) is social comparison and that’s no good for nobody. Social media is filled with envy-inducing posts, it’s time to flip the script and embrace JOMO. JOMO is embracing the present moment and finding joy in the activities we choose to do, rather than anxiously chasing after every invitation and experience. It's about recognising that we can't do it all and that it's perfectly okay to say "no" to certain things. Instead, we focus on what truly matters to us and relish in the joy and contentment it brings. Sober people are smug little bitches on a Sunday morning, all fresh, all remembering what we did the night before, all cosy and without anxiety and experiencing the best joy. So if you have FOMO about not drinking can you turn that into JOMO? Embracing JOMO allows us to have deeper connections with ourselves and the people around us. It frees us from the constant need for validation and comparison, enabling us to appreciate our own unique journey and celebrate the joys that come with being present and doing what we know is gonna serve us better in the long run!

And remember, Christmas is one day. 24 hours. Don’t be fooled by all the advertising and marketing that tells you that to enjoy the day you need to drink, just look back to the ghosts of Christmas past to remind yourself how well you are doing by saying, no, no, no to the booze!

This will be my 6th sober Christmas. They are undoubtedly the most present and best Christmases I can (literally!) remember. You really are giving up nothing and gaining so much more!

Kirsty CEO SoberBuzz